...since we have spoken! Sadly I tend to forget that I even have a blog and often post my thoughts on facebook. I just really like the idea of having something all my own away from everything else. So tonight's entry will be short...perhaps an itemized list of major events? HA-that'll be a humorous attempt!
-graduated from ASU, so I am now "Randi S. Morrison, BSW"
-started graduate school at USC in Columbia, SC to become "Randi S. Morrison, MSW"
-postponed my wedding until April 2012 (see facebook)
-fell even more in love with my sweet fiance, Ronnie :D
-grown to appreciate my family even more than I ever have
-currently: stressed, wanting a new tattoo more than I can stand it, hot b/c my chihuahuas are like personal heaters, and sleepy. and umm...waiting on Ronnie to get off work, lol.
So yeah that's like, the worst blog EVER, but I'll get it back in shape soon perhaps...HA...we shall see!
-r.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
back for another night
of blogging. I am so excited to write now! Don't ask me why, but we'll call it divine inspiration. I am totally exhausted and have been all day, but God made me to go CCF tonight. I think I got my answer too, btw. God has been keeping me away to prepare my heart for tonight. He knew that if I had gone, my head would still be completely jumbled and I wouldn't have been as hungry for his words and as thirsty for his songs. Before tonight I was literally famished. And on the way out of my apartment complex, it started snowing. The frightened human inside me said "turn around, go home", but God said "you're on your way...you'll get home after". And guess what? He kept it a mist the entire two hours and I got home safely.
Tonight God told me to stop talking, running, jabbering, whining, etc. and just listen. The words are "have a tender heart and a sensitive ear". That came to me, I guess from Him. The speaker was a guest speaker from UNCC CCF and he was enthusiastic...it was so refreshing to have someone new (even though I haven't been in regular attendance recently). He spoke about how God said all He needs is a mustard seed to grow a tree taller than all the other plants in the garden. This tree provides rest and refuge for birds of the air (Matthew 13). This is me. I truly only have a mustard seed (look this up to see how small it is-about 1mm in diameter) of faith left in me because the devil has literally scared my faith out of me. But yet, knowing that I at least have a mustard seed of faith is enough because I know that God will grow me into a tall tree where his birds, his people, can come and seek refuge. They will come to me and know that I am a safe haven, a listening ear, a comforter, and a person to pray for them...but only if I let God work.
Something else the speaker talked about
was the analogy of Jesus feeding the hungry. Going to the famous parable where Jesus fed 5000 men plus women and children with only 5 loaves and 2 fishes, it states there in Matthew 14 that Jesus "Blesses it (Hebrew also translates "to bless" as "to choose"), Breaks it, and Gives it. Then again two other times in Matthew, the analogy is used that break is Blessed, Broken, and Given. It is important to realize that God chooses and blesses the bread because it is what He requires. God then breaks the bread into pieces, sometimes hundreds, sometimes thousands. What is significant about the breaking of the bread is that God does not simply 'poke' or 'injure' the bread, but He breaks it completely apart. Tying into all the significance we see that God the bread away. Jesus doesn't sell the bread or throw it into the masses for people to fight over, he givesgives it to each person. Meaning that He also chooses to whom the bread will be given.
The importance of the breaking of bread is an analogy to us and what God will do to/with us if we only allow Him. Jesus chooses us. The Holy Spirit chooses us to live in and us to do His will. Then if we submit even a mustard seed of faith, God will break us. He will shatter some plan, hope, or dream...or perhaps even something that is tangible that we have already built up for ourselves. But don't worry because even though it may hurt at the time and feel as if your whole world is crumbling around you, God will restore and rebuild, and the "glory of the latter church shall be greater than the former". Which means that even though He may break us into 1000 or 15,000 little pieces, He has a plan and He will put it all back together perfectly. After He has started restoring the brokenness with healing (His work on us is never finished), Jesus gives us to others. Jesus keeps only our hearts for himself. Not in a selfish way, but as a way to protect us. We are chosen to be broken and given to others. Perhaps this is the whole meaning of life. We are made to give. We give love, words, kindness, comfort, sympathy, joy, and sometimes even goofy looks to people. We give little bits of ourselves to everyone we come in contact with. The man who walked out his way yesterday to open a door for me got my smile, the client in the conference room today got my joy of playing with play-dough, my friends tonight got my hug. Everyone gets something-we are made to give and be given. When a family gives a bride to her husband, she is given from one caring family to another; her own. The bride is not to be sold or auctioned, but out of love, she is given. Out of love we are given to Christ as a bride as He awaits patiently to be our bridegroom. He is also our wonderful Father, Abba. The one who will give us to himself. Traditionally a father gives his daughter to the groom. In God's case, he merely gives us to himself (which I know, seems redundant, but it makes sense). You see, He wants all of our love in every possible way we can give it. He wants to be part of our innermost workings and thoughts; He knows our desires and longs to fulfill them if they are His plan.
So what I realized tonight is that I have the faith of mustard seed, and though it is so incredibly tiny...it is enough for God to take, grow, and make into something amazing and beautiful. Pray that I have sweet dreams, for lately I have been thinking of my daddy a lot. I have had dreams that he is still alive and is merely being kept from me and these are terrors to me because I know that he is safe in Heaven with his Creator. He is never held back from me and to reach him all I have to do is pray for God to pass the word along. Pray for me also that this mustard seed faith will grow. I cannot move myself, much less a marriage along with only a mustard seed-I'll need at least a watermelon for God to roll me out of complacency and a jumbo pumpkin to move both Ronnie and me. But He is faithful to us and He believes in us when even we do not.
-r.
(ps...not that it matters, but blogger's time is messed up so this was not published at 7:57pm, it was published at 11:57 pm)
Tonight God told me to stop talking, running, jabbering, whining, etc. and just listen. The words are "have a tender heart and a sensitive ear". That came to me, I guess from Him. The speaker was a guest speaker from UNCC CCF and he was enthusiastic...it was so refreshing to have someone new (even though I haven't been in regular attendance recently). He spoke about how God said all He needs is a mustard seed to grow a tree taller than all the other plants in the garden. This tree provides rest and refuge for birds of the air (Matthew 13). This is me. I truly only have a mustard seed (look this up to see how small it is-about 1mm in diameter) of faith left in me because the devil has literally scared my faith out of me. But yet, knowing that I at least have a mustard seed of faith is enough because I know that God will grow me into a tall tree where his birds, his people, can come and seek refuge. They will come to me and know that I am a safe haven, a listening ear, a comforter, and a person to pray for them...but only if I let God work.
Something else the speaker talked about
was the analogy of Jesus feeding the hungry. Going to the famous parable where Jesus fed 5000 men plus women and children with only 5 loaves and 2 fishes, it states there in Matthew 14 that Jesus "Blesses it (Hebrew also translates "to bless" as "to choose"), Breaks it, and Gives it. Then again two other times in Matthew, the analogy is used that break is Blessed, Broken, and Given. It is important to realize that God chooses and blesses the bread because it is what He requires. God then breaks the bread into pieces, sometimes hundreds, sometimes thousands. What is significant about the breaking of the bread is that God does not simply 'poke' or 'injure' the bread, but He breaks it completely apart. Tying into all the significance we see that God the bread away. Jesus doesn't sell the bread or throw it into the masses for people to fight over, he givesgives it to each person. Meaning that He also chooses to whom the bread will be given. The importance of the breaking of bread is an analogy to us and what God will do to/with us if we only allow Him. Jesus chooses us. The Holy Spirit chooses us to live in and us to do His will. Then if we submit even a mustard seed of faith, God will break us. He will shatter some plan, hope, or dream...or perhaps even something that is tangible that we have already built up for ourselves. But don't worry because even though it may hurt at the time and feel as if your whole world is crumbling around you, God will restore and rebuild, and the "glory of the latter church shall be greater than the former". Which means that even though He may break us into 1000 or 15,000 little pieces, He has a plan and He will put it all back together perfectly. After He has started restoring the brokenness with healing (His work on us is never finished), Jesus gives us to others. Jesus keeps only our hearts for himself. Not in a selfish way, but as a way to protect us. We are chosen to be broken and given to others. Perhaps this is the whole meaning of life. We are made to give. We give love, words, kindness, comfort, sympathy, joy, and sometimes even goofy looks to people. We give little bits of ourselves to everyone we come in contact with. The man who walked out his way yesterday to open a door for me got my smile, the client in the conference room today got my joy of playing with play-dough, my friends tonight got my hug. Everyone gets something-we are made to give and be given. When a family gives a bride to her husband, she is given from one caring family to another; her own. The bride is not to be sold or auctioned, but out of love, she is given. Out of love we are given to Christ as a bride as He awaits patiently to be our bridegroom. He is also our wonderful Father, Abba. The one who will give us to himself. Traditionally a father gives his daughter to the groom. In God's case, he merely gives us to himself (which I know, seems redundant, but it makes sense). You see, He wants all of our love in every possible way we can give it. He wants to be part of our innermost workings and thoughts; He knows our desires and longs to fulfill them if they are His plan.
So what I realized tonight is that I have the faith of mustard seed, and though it is so incredibly tiny...it is enough for God to take, grow, and make into something amazing and beautiful. Pray that I have sweet dreams, for lately I have been thinking of my daddy a lot. I have had dreams that he is still alive and is merely being kept from me and these are terrors to me because I know that he is safe in Heaven with his Creator. He is never held back from me and to reach him all I have to do is pray for God to pass the word along. Pray for me also that this mustard seed faith will grow. I cannot move myself, much less a marriage along with only a mustard seed-I'll need at least a watermelon for God to roll me out of complacency and a jumbo pumpkin to move both Ronnie and me. But He is faithful to us and He believes in us when even we do not.
-r.
(ps...not that it matters, but blogger's time is messed up so this was not published at 7:57pm, it was published at 11:57 pm)
it's been a long time, old friend...
...a long time indeed. But recently I have begun to feel inspiration again. I feel as though I (and you!) have missed out on much of my life because I was uninspired to blog. Writing is so therapeutic to me, I don't know why I can't just admit that and write as much as I need to!
I thank Ms. Linda Wentz for inspiring me to write again tonight, reminding me that words can be beautiful and can certainly serve literally, as a window to someone's soul. I have always valued myself as an "adult" as someone who is transparent and one who wears their heart on their sleeve. However, this has not been my case since I stopped blogging because things got difficult and troubled. Back in March, I was preparing to go to South Africa (in May). I was having a difficult time securing funds, but most of all I was struggling with listening to God. I thought well, here we are...I'm doing what you wanted, so now what?! And then I just stopped listening. We went to South Africa (fellow CCFers and I), and it was an amazing, life-changing experience. I learned a lot about myself, and honestly I think it scared me to death. I got scared during and after South Africa. I believe this was caused by knowing that I was in the right place. Even though I was struggling as I was, esp. with food and homesickness, God had me right where He wanted me. And if His goal was to EVER make me uncomfortable...boy, did He ever succeed! It scared me to know that what he wanted made me so uncomfortable with my more human self. Spiritually it was a struggle also, but a necessary and profitable one. I learned to keep my eyes open more, especially for those things "unseen", but somehow I shut my ears off. I have been blinded by God's beauty ever since then, and I have been digging for things visually that sometimes are not there. I have poured myself into photography and pondering what those "things unseen" are, but have closed myself off to what God has to tell me.
This all comes after a meeting with Marianna Musser. So strange to see that the first strong woman figure God put in my life way back in Kindergarten has inspired me to write about experiences with one of the other strong women figures God has placed in my life as a college student. See, I never would admit my problem until I met with Marianna b/c honestly I just refused to stop and think long enough about it. What I realized is this: 1. SA scared the living daylights out of me, and with all that is possibly coming up in my life, the last thing I need is to fear what God has in store for me...2. I have become the opposite of all that I have strived to be since sophomore year of college. I have become proud. I am proud b/c I'm better than those ppl we were helping in SA no matter how much I try to tell myself I am not (b/c financially, etc. this is a fact), and I am better than those ppl I try to help everyday at CPS ...but in reality, this is not the case. I am only human, created by God for his purposes. When I think about who I am on my own without the support of my family, I am really only a few hundred (like 200) dollars from being in some of the same situations as those in SA...homeless, hungry, and in desperate need. I am only one child and one tantrum away from being a CPS case...losing control one time and leaving a mark on my [future] child. I have been a child of the DSS system! I have had Medicaid, my mom receives food stamps, etc. I am NO BETTER than anyone. But the most amazing thing I am learning? God loves me anyway.
He loves me and all those poor, mean people. He is willing to forgive me and take me back under his wing, love me and mentor me. I will once again embark on this path to humbleness, and plan to do so with full force. I will grow past that childish feeling of having to earn forgiveness from God, because grace is not earned, it is freely given. Each day is a new day full of new promises and new offers of grace and forgiveness from God...and once I re-learn these basic principals, life will only get better again. The only place to go from here is up! Life is good, but it can be better :)
Praise God, love and trust Him people...you're about to begin reading about my journey in doing so...
-r.
I thank Ms. Linda Wentz for inspiring me to write again tonight, reminding me that words can be beautiful and can certainly serve literally, as a window to someone's soul. I have always valued myself as an "adult" as someone who is transparent and one who wears their heart on their sleeve. However, this has not been my case since I stopped blogging because things got difficult and troubled. Back in March, I was preparing to go to South Africa (in May). I was having a difficult time securing funds, but most of all I was struggling with listening to God. I thought well, here we are...I'm doing what you wanted, so now what?! And then I just stopped listening. We went to South Africa (fellow CCFers and I), and it was an amazing, life-changing experience. I learned a lot about myself, and honestly I think it scared me to death. I got scared during and after South Africa. I believe this was caused by knowing that I was in the right place. Even though I was struggling as I was, esp. with food and homesickness, God had me right where He wanted me. And if His goal was to EVER make me uncomfortable...boy, did He ever succeed! It scared me to know that what he wanted made me so uncomfortable with my more human self. Spiritually it was a struggle also, but a necessary and profitable one. I learned to keep my eyes open more, especially for those things "unseen", but somehow I shut my ears off. I have been blinded by God's beauty ever since then, and I have been digging for things visually that sometimes are not there. I have poured myself into photography and pondering what those "things unseen" are, but have closed myself off to what God has to tell me.
This all comes after a meeting with Marianna Musser. So strange to see that the first strong woman figure God put in my life way back in Kindergarten has inspired me to write about experiences with one of the other strong women figures God has placed in my life as a college student. See, I never would admit my problem until I met with Marianna b/c honestly I just refused to stop and think long enough about it. What I realized is this: 1. SA scared the living daylights out of me, and with all that is possibly coming up in my life, the last thing I need is to fear what God has in store for me...2. I have become the opposite of all that I have strived to be since sophomore year of college. I have become proud. I am proud b/c I'm better than those ppl we were helping in SA no matter how much I try to tell myself I am not (b/c financially, etc. this is a fact), and I am better than those ppl I try to help everyday at CPS ...but in reality, this is not the case. I am only human, created by God for his purposes. When I think about who I am on my own without the support of my family, I am really only a few hundred (like 200) dollars from being in some of the same situations as those in SA...homeless, hungry, and in desperate need. I am only one child and one tantrum away from being a CPS case...losing control one time and leaving a mark on my [future] child. I have been a child of the DSS system! I have had Medicaid, my mom receives food stamps, etc. I am NO BETTER than anyone. But the most amazing thing I am learning? God loves me anyway.
He loves me and all those poor, mean people. He is willing to forgive me and take me back under his wing, love me and mentor me. I will once again embark on this path to humbleness, and plan to do so with full force. I will grow past that childish feeling of having to earn forgiveness from God, because grace is not earned, it is freely given. Each day is a new day full of new promises and new offers of grace and forgiveness from God...and once I re-learn these basic principals, life will only get better again. The only place to go from here is up! Life is good, but it can be better :)
Praise God, love and trust Him people...you're about to begin reading about my journey in doing so...
-r.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
need an update?
well then, i guess you can have a short one before i run to class. that last week that i wrote about...well, ronnie didn't come that monday and tuesday because it worked out best for both of us that he didn't. but he did come that weekend and we had an awesome weekend together! my best friend lindsey is mucho preggo and her shower was this past weekend so i went home for that. it was pretty awesome. then sunday i went to the biltmore house with nan, pop, and harley for free :) we only had to pay $10 for harley's ticket. unfortunately, ronnie had to work this past weekend and i didn't get to see him but for about a total of 15 minutes all darn weekend. he did get to come over thursday when i got home, but that seems far away now and i miss him! lol. i think he's coming up this weekend though to help me get ready for the fundraiser i am spearheading on monday for the ccf south africa trip. and to spend some much needed time together. it seems that we can never get enough time together :-/ hopefully that will change one day! anyway, i'm still asleep and it's 14 minutes until i go to class HA. and i need to eat my cereal. so i guess i'm gonna bounce for now, but know that hopefully my writers block is over and that i am now pondering on God's mercy, so perhaps that will result in a later blog :) luvz, -r.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
oh mud.
i guess i'm just in a muddy mood. kinda looking for something to do...kinda thinking i have 100 things to do. gosh. i don't want to go back to school so bad b/c i have so many darn things to do and none of them are fun. spring break has messed with my head. i may need some serious help after i get back to school from being here lol. b/w my crazy hectic family and the dynamics of this house and the ppl that surround me when i'm home (even friends), i'm going looney! haha. and the sad thing is i had really planned to spend some time with Grammie, but she was so sick and she didn't want me over there. so i'm going over there tomorrow for a little bit and then i'll be heading back to boone tomorrow evening. that'll give me a chance to clean up, etc before ronnie prolly gets there on monday. idk what we'll do b/c i have stuff i actually HAVE to do lol, but i guess he's coming anyway. i feel like a week by myself might be really good, but at the same time idk. so...ronnie will be there mon and tues and then leave wed. morning. which gives me wednesday to write my paper for thursday and maybe get a few other things done...maybe. then on friday, lindsey wants to come up and have lunch and hang out (poor super-preggo girl! lol) everywhere we go i know i'll have to be knowledgeable about bathroom locations! haha i love her tho and if she wants to come i'll carry a bathroom around with me (well, if i could). and then sat and sun i think ronnie is coming BACK up. so it'll be a lot of time spent with ppl i love. and the next weekend i'll be home to go to the dr, go to lindsey's baby shower, and prolly/hopefully to the biltmore house with nan, pop, and harley. sometimes i truly wished my life weren't so planned. i wish i could just go where the wind blows and not stress so much! geez. but it appears as of now, that my life is planned for the next year and half. then after that there are NO plans which in a way, is kind of scarier! haha. wow...i have a lot more to say than i thought. i guess i'm just trying to get my thoughts straight. so good luck figuring this out cuz i'm not proof-readin! night! -r.
Friday, March 13, 2009
skidaddle
(left: see? delyla's been stealing mommie's blankie since she was a tiny little baby!)
no deep theoretical thoughts this time (i don't think). just a preface :) just thought i'd say how much i hate that spring break is almost over. i haven't done anything really, but the week has just flown by! well...i mean, i've done things, but not like, gone to the beach or anything. i've had a few great days with my sweetheart (bowling, movies, hanging out at his house movie, "shopping") lol. and i had a few great days with family and friends (warehouse sale today with nan, taking lindsey's baby-belly pics the other day, the day i spent with tiff), all very wonderful. and i am so very sad to see my break ending! man...i can't stand to go back to school now to write those 5 or 7 papers i have left (who really counts after 5 anyway)?!
the thought just kills me. and now i think i'm about to add another nail to my coffin and try to get into second semester summer school b/c i think i have to history 1101 over again b/c it didn't transfer from GWU. so i'd rather take it in a month than for a whole semester lol b/c i LOATHE history. and i'm sure i'll take another class too but i'm not sure what just yet. anything to make my loads lighter and still graduate semi-on time. i don't even know where i am at in my 4-year plan at this point! HA!
oh, and i have realized something great-i have all the clothes i could possibly need for now. i am sure that i need a few tops to match some of my skirts, but other than that i am set from now till the end of summer! YAY! i think i might celebrate, but then again, maybe i should be mourning lol, because i won't get to shop much more. i could use a new bathing suit, but i'm holding out b/c i'm praying to go a size smaller this year (well, not really, but i would like the same size to look better, how's that)? and oh, i'm so happy my dear little delyla has her own "blankie"-i have been freezing the past few night because she likes to steal mommies blankie. lol...we got her one today for $5. it feels just like mine except that it's more her size (since mine is a double). *relief!* haha.
well, i guess that's all my random comments for tonight-my hands are starting to cramp (esp. my right one) from bowling yesterday! lol...i am SO out of shape! goodnight all! -r.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
something new
so it seems that recently i've hit a writer's block with nothing to talk about. but somehow music always inspires me. i mean, not that i haven't been inspired...just haven't had a lot to say...still don't. lol. just want to write! so i just got back to boone today from being at home in lincolnton where we have not had power since 6pm yesterday. it was nice to have a hot shower and heat. but somehow i'm still cold. and i'm achey. my body is just creaking under all this coldness. i am seriously praying we dont have an 8am classes or 9. that'd be really nice. okay...so i'm really not inspired apparently. i've really been wanting to get my dreams out, but it just seems like such a long blog that i've been avoiding it. i mean, they're pretty simple once they're down on paper like, "why don't you just do that Randi?!" geez...but to actually dream about them and wish they were true...that's different. when i do that, they seem grandiose and wonderful. they seem like bright colors and rainbows on a cloudy day. i mean, just the thought of running away to New York!!! wow...no matter what i did or where i lived (as long as it's not a box or something), it seems like it'd just be wonderful. to be so far away...on my own...or with Ronnie...it just seems like a crazy dream. i could never leave my family. i love them too much. i know they'd all be terrified, and i wouldn't be! that's the thing! i can't ride a roller coaster, but the idea of moving to new york thrills me to death! oh my. i do face a dilemma. i know you all probably get tired of hearing about my wishes. i just can't ever get it to come out as wonderful as it seems in my head. *frustrated, randi walks out...*
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